Not Quite Beyond the Goblin City
by Professor Moriarity
Summary: A Daria/Labyrinth Crossover


Not Quite Beyond the Goblin City  
  
A Daria/Labyrinth crossover  
  
A fanfic by Professor Moriarity.  
  
Legal crap: Daria and all affiliated characters are owned by MTV. Labyrinth characters are owned by Jim Henson Productions. I'm not making any money off this, so why should you care what the hell I do with these characters?  
  
(Daria theme plays. Ends with "Daria in: Not Quite Beyond the Goblin City)  
  
(Daria and Jane are in Jane's room. Jane is painting some random swirling thing (I'm not a visual artist, ok? So sue me.) and Daria is reading a book.)  
  
Jane: So anyway, Tom and I…(notices Daria isn't listening, and it's not just because Jane is talking about Tom) That book must be really good if you'd rather read it than listen to your favorite best friend.  
  
Daria: Don't you mean my only best friend? And yes, it's good. (goes back to reading)  
  
Jane (peers at the cover): Labyrinth. Wasn't that a movie from the 80's with David Bowie?  
  
Daria: Got it in one.   
  
Jane: So why read the book?  
  
Daria: No David Bowie prancing around in tights and singing bad songs.  
  
Jane: Damn tights. Damn, Damn tights!!!  
  
Daria: I like the story, though.  
  
Jane: Being able to wish a sibling away? No more having to deal with Princess Grace1? I can see why.  
  
Daria: I wish it were that easy.  
  
Jane: Who says it isn't? Try it.  
  
Daria (gives Jane an odd look): OK. (monotone) I wish the goblins would take away Quinn, right now.  
  
(nothing happens)  
  
Daria: (monotone) Damn.  
  
(Just then, lots of happy fun special effects begin to happen. Lightning, wind, windows shattering, Labyrinth music plays in the background)  
  
Jane: Where the hell is that music coming from?  
  
(Commercials2  
  
Need help with that plan for world domination? Go to www.eviloverlord.com)  
  
(Smoke fills the room, and when it clears, Jareth, King of the Goblins is standing there. He looks around imperiously, then gets mad when he realizes that no one is paying attention to him)  
  
Jareth: Excuse me….(louder) Excuse me.   
  
Daria (not looking up from her book): The Misery Chicks you are trying to reach3 don't give a damn what kind of pyrotechnics you can create. Please leave your message after the beep, and we won't get back to you. Beep.  
  
Jareth (flabbergasted)4: But….but….I'm the Goblin King!  
  
Jane (not looking away from her easel): Would you mind stopping that music. Cheesy 80's technopop tends to send my Muse screaming into the night.  
  
(Jareth's jaw drops, and Trent walks into the room5.)  
  
Trent: Janey, could you turn that awful music off? You know I hate cheesy 80's technopop.   
  
Jane: Talk to Mr. Pyrotechnics, here. (waves her paintbrush in Jareth's general direction)  
  
Trent (notices Jareth finally): Oh. Hey man, could you turn that off? I'm trying to sleep. (considers Jareth for a moment) Anyone ever tell you that you look like David Bowie. (leaves before Jareth can say anything)  
  
Daria (to Jane): I didn't think he had to try. I thought it was his natural state.  
  
(Before Jane can answer, Jareth jumps in)  
  
Jareth: I am the Goblin King, and I have taken your sister Quinn to the Castle Beyond the Goblin City. You have 13 hours to solve my Labyrinth…  
  
Daria (cuts in): Keep her.   
  
Jareth: This crystal will show you your dreams…(realizes what Daria said) What?  
  
Daria: Keep her. With my blessing.  
  
Jareth (pissed that no one takes him seriously): Do you hold nothing sacred?! I am the Goblin King!  
  
Jane: You said that already. And, we haven't been fazed by anything weird since the Holidays came to town6.  
  
Daria: Don't you mean the time the whole town spent the day singing?7  
  
Jane: That too.  
  
Jareth (very pissed): Enough! You will try to solve my Labyrinth! (waves his hand and suddenly all three are on that hill overlooking the Labyrinth)  
  
Jane: Cool! (pulls out a sketch pad and starts sketching furiously)  
  
Daria: Now you've done it. Now she'll never leave.   
  
Jareth: Shut up! (to Jane) You're supposed to try and solve the Labyrinth with the help of loyal creatures you meet and experience character growth, like all the other teenage girls.  
  
Daria (smirks): That's your fault for picking the original Anti-Teen, then.  
  
Jareth: ARRRGGH!!!!! (disappears in a flash of light)  
  
(Commercials again. Go to www.sev.com.au/toonzone/sevtrek.htm for the funniest Star Trek parody on the Net)  
  
(Jane contentedly sketches the landscape and Daria reads her book. A few hours pass)  
  
Jane: Maybe we should look for Quinn. Even she doesn't deserve to be turned into a goblin.  
  
Daria: No need.  
  
Jane: How so?  
  
Daria: Did you see how Jareth was dressed?  
  
Jane: Daria, since when did you care about fashion?  
  
Daria: I don't.  
  
Jane (understanding dawns): Ah.  
  
(Just then, Jareth and Quinn appear in a flash of flashy pyrotechnics8 . He practically throws Quinn at Daria)  
  
Jareth: Here, take her!!  
  
Quinn: But wait, I can help you! You don't have to live with that bad hair and unfashionable outfit anymore!  
  
Jareth: No!!! (to Daria) Take her back, please!  
  
Daria: This will cost you, you know.  
  
Jareth: $20  
  
Daria: Nope, you're not getting off nearly that easily. You're a king, remember?  
  
Jane: The least we could ask is $1,000.  
  
Quinn: Apiece. (Daria and Jane looked surprised) Hey, I had to put up with his unfashionableness all this time.  
  
Jane: I didn't know that was a word9.  
  
Jareth: Anything, anything! (he waves his hands and a stack of bills appears in each of the girls' hands. Daria and Jane inspect theirs very carefully)  
  
Jane: Correct ink colors  
  
Daria: He even got the new security strips correct. (to Jareth) Very well, we accept.  
  
Jareth: Thank you! (more pyrotechnics and all three of the girls are back in Jane's room)  
  
Quinn: Whoa, that was weird. (notices she still has the money, as if she thought it was all a dream and didn't expect the money to be there). Bye, gotta go shopping! (runs out of the house)  
  
Jane: She's gone. And we have money. Looks like this turned out to be a semi-decent day.  
  
Daria: And the peasants rejoiced10.   
  
Jane: Let's go get some pizza.  
  
(The girls walk out. Daria has her Mona Lisa smile on)  
  
(La la LA la la….)  
  
(closing credits)  
  
  
1.Don't know who first started the Quinn as "Princess Grace", but I liked it and decided to use it. If me using it is that much of a problem for you, please send me a polite email and I'll delete it. I'm a fairly reasonable person if you ask politely.  
2.Never let it be said that I can't conform when I want to (by putting in commercials like so many other fanfic writers). Oh, and the websites are real, active sites. Check 'em out.  
3.Modification of a line from Love Him or Leave Him, one of Canadibrit's fanfics in her fabulous Look-Alike series. Normally I don't like Mary Jane 'fics unless they are well written and the MJ character is not some kind of superperson with no flaws (like sooooo many MJ 'fics I can name). Canadibrit, this is my way of paying homage to you.   
4.I love that word!  
5.I am a 'shipper, hear me roar. Of course I'm gonna work him in.  
6.I liked that episode!!! (ducks all the vegetables being thrown at me)  
7.Now this episode was only worth it because of the brief shipper moment at the end.  
8.I like this word, too!  
9.from Quinn the Brain  
10.Monty Python. Gotta love him  



End file.
